I've always liked the movie Big and wondered what it would be like to be someone else for a day. With that in mind, here is my account of what it would to be like to be the recording artist Gin Wigmore. But unlike Big, I'm not a small boy, well originally I was, and I turn into in Gin Wigmore, who is nothing like Tom Hanks. It's relevant because she made a comeback in 2011.
Midnight: Turn into Gin Wigmore, want to sleep in but not too much as I don't want to miss out on a Burger King Breakfast.
9am: Don't want to be recognised by fans as I make my way to BK so I wear a Groucho Marx disguise and only respond to the name Brandy Toupeelots.
11am: Call music award committee about the validity of Ladyhawke winning awards. I plead my case that female avian creatures should be banned from winning NZ music awards, they stress she's not actually a hawk but a human recording artist who goes by that alias.
1pm: Go into a tattoo parlour to get some more tattoos done, as I clearly don't have enough.
3pm: Give Usher a call to say his song OMG has almost the same title as my song Oh My. He responds he doesn't know who I am and any title similarity is coincidental. He hangs up. I ring again, reach voicemail and state if he doesn't give me royalties from his single, I'll send Ladyhawke over to peck at him. After I leave the message I remember that Ladyhawke isn't actually a hawk and she wouldn't put her mouth near a man anyway.
5pm: Call up my actress sister Lucy and ask her how Shortland Street’s going. She replies saying she left that show long ago. I mention that I was probably too busy selling records and making more money than her to notice. She hangs up. I phone again to get her voicemail and leave a few messages reminding her about how I sell heaps of records and make way more money than her.
7pm: Start composing new songs, these tattoos don't pay for themselves.
11pm: Realise that I'll revert back to my real-self so spend the last hour exploring Gin's body in real detail.
P.S. there is no mention of Gin Wigmore in my show at all.