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Teaching your kids about hilarious fairy stories

Posted by Mr Boon On the 10th April 2012 Back

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OK... settle down... quiet everyone... stop picking that....

Alright. Good morning class (goooooood mooorning Mr. Boooooooooooooooon).

So today we are learning about fairy stories. The particular portion of fairy stories I want to focus on is the part where I'm doing a show based on fairy stories.

“But Mr. Boon,” I hear you saying, “isn't that just some shameless self promotion wrapped in the guise of some kind of lesson?”

I could reply, “Yes,” at this stage, but I am going to continue.

This year I have departed from my usual nonsense and I have produced a brand of brand-new nonsense suitable for the whole family – except perhaps for Granny. Although I suspect it does depend on the type of granny you have. Some grannies are quite cool and give you lollies and let you stay up late, while other grannies are not so cool and give you brussel sprouts and send you to bed so they can watch the news. At lunchtime. My granny isn't around any more. I miss my granny.

Being both a teacher and a comedian I'm in a unique position. I am both incredibly exhausted and unable to sleep. While I write this it is 8.24pm my teacher brain is telling me I really need to sleep. However my comedy brain is telling me I should soldier on through and just handle the thong-based summer foot-piece. So I am. I am staying up late especially for you.

However, having read the above gibberish it appears I should have gone to bed long before I began writing.

As a small aside, I saw an ad the other day for Titanic 3-D and that got me thinking. They've spent millions and millions of dollars on that film and it's not really that three dimentional. In fact, at times, the acting is very 1-D (Ha!). But it is really only two dimensional, projected onto a large white sheet at the front of the room. Only specticle-based trickery via the luxury glasses you've paid extra for make it appear 3-D - Luxury glasses that make you look like Sir Elton John on a bad eye day.

I think my point is, and I am getting to it, is that this Festival there are hundreds of comedians all performing in crystal clear three dimensions for your viewing pleasure. No glasses required. I can guarantee you that all New Zealanders performing in this festival are three dimensional. I also have it on good authority that many, if not all, of the international comedians are 3-D.

It is worth you spending time and money heading out in the month of May to view a massive range of fantastic comedy.

I also urge you to come and see my show – Mr Boon's Fairy Tales. Although I will need to apologise in advance for my finale. My original plan to end proceedings on the front of a boat while cuddling Leonardo DiCaprio and singing a medley of Celine Dion hits has been skuppered. I now have a life-sized paper-mache Titanic on the back deck if anyone's interested.

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